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| One part of life to another adds a link in the chain to wholeness. |
Dear Joy, I pray we can continue to follow Him and encourage one another, even while afflicted. I haven't talked much about the darkness I suffered, before I found out that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My immune system was compromised: I had infections and viruses, and depression. At the worst, I despaired of even my life. I longed for God to take me home.
Someone I was very close to had taken her life in the 1990's. I think with that and the other huge stressors in my life, as well as my genetic make-up, my body could not fight anymore. There were so many times I despaired. Even with medication for depression and with counseling, I did not get better. I threw the book Happiness is a Choice by Minirth and Meier in the garbage, because I knew Jesus as my Savior, I had been living a Christian life for many years, and I was not getting better from reading their book. I am not saying it is a bad book, but it was not the answer for me. It wasn't my spiritual life making me sick, even though, I had growing to do. But then, that should be the case with any Christian of any age: never stop growing in the Lord.
I asked God to show me the way, to show me what was wrong with me. Finally, something clicked, and I found out I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The doctor also told me I have Fibromyalgia, but I knew that already. It was not until 15 years later with the appropriate hormones and supplements, the roller coaster actually slowed down. The depression went away first. I no longer had the severe swings. I learned so much in that time, because I was finally able to focus better. Before treatment, I went through about 7 months, that I was hardly able to focus at all. I could not read more than one or two verses from the Bible at a time, but I could pray. And when I couldn't, I know the Holy Spirit prayed for me.
What I have just written this afternoon, came out of something I wanted to tell you. I did think about taking my life at times during the depressed years. I thought of it, but the Holy Spirit (God) would speak to me. He would remind me how _ _ _ _ _ taking her life affected me, that I would not want to do that to my friends and family. I also want to add it was usually a fleeting thought, not something on which I dwelt.
I have put my life in God's hands. I have flares and remissions. I seem to get weaker and weaker in body; yet, in some ways I actually feel stronger because of the Lord. Somewhere, I once read that the way people feel, who have CFS/ME, is akin to the way people feel when they have cancer. Often, I have felt it is like slow torture. However, I know that my overlapping conditions and the FM/CFS have brought me into this part of my life, which is smack-dab where I am supposed to be. There are things I understand now, that would not have been entirely real to me, had I not experienced these afflictions.
I firmly believe that God has each of us here for a reason. Everything that happens in our lives can be useful for bringing us to a point, that we are a light in this world for Him. He can turn our sorrows and afflictions into victories and joy. Knowing Joy is something I can feel right now, as I share, because I am in Him.
I cannot say I will never feel low again. Satan and his cohorts do try to get us down, hoping we will not be used by God. But love is of God, and we know Him. "You are from God, little children and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." (NASB, 1 John 4:4)
Blessings to you, my friend and to all who struggle with illness and with the adversities of life. I pray for those who do not know the Lord of all, that they will come to know the one who loved us enough to send His only Son to suffer for our sins. Amen.
