Letter to a Friend

One part of life to another
adds a link in the chain to wholeness.

Dear Joy, I pray we can continue to follow Him and encourage one another, even while afflicted.  I haven't talked much about the darkness I suffered,  before I found out that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  My immune system was compromised:  I had infections and viruses, and depression.  At the worst, I despaired of even my life.  I longed for God to take me home.

Someone I was very close to had taken her life in the 1990's.  I think with that and the other huge stressors in my life, as well as my genetic make-up, my body could not fight anymore.  There were so many times I despaired.  Even with medication for depression and with counseling, I did not get better.  I threw the book Happiness is a Choice by Minirth and Meier in the garbage, because I knew Jesus as my Savior, I had been living a Christian life for many years, and I was not getting better from reading their book.  I am not saying it is a bad book, but it was not the answer for me.  It wasn't my spiritual life making me sick, even though, I had growing to do.  But then, that should be the case with any Christian of any age:  never stop growing in the Lord.

I asked God to show me the way, to show me what was wrong with me.  Finally, something clicked, and I found out I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  The doctor also told me I have Fibromyalgia, but I knew that already.  It was not until 15 years later with the appropriate hormones and supplements, the roller coaster actually slowed down.  The depression went away first.  I no longer had the severe swings.  I learned so much in that time, because I was finally able to focus better.  Before treatment, I went through about 7 months, that I was hardly able to focus at all.  I could not read more than one or two verses from the Bible at a time, but I could pray.  And when I couldn't, I know the Holy Spirit prayed for me.

What I have just written this afternoon, came out of something I wanted to tell you.  I did think about taking my life at times during the depressed years.  I thought of it, but the Holy Spirit (God) would speak to me.  He would remind me how _  _ _ _ _ taking her life affected me, that I would not want to do that to my friends and family.  I also want to add it was usually a fleeting thought, not something  on which I dwelt.

I have put my life in God's hands.  I have flares and remissions.  I seem to get weaker and weaker in body;  yet, in some ways I actually feel stronger because of the Lord.  Somewhere, I once read that the way people feel, who have CFS/ME, is akin to the way people feel when they have cancer.  Often, I have felt it is like slow torture.  However, I know that my overlapping conditions and the FM/CFS have brought me into this part of my life, which is smack-dab where I am supposed to be.  There are things I understand now, that would not have been entirely real to me, had I not experienced these afflictions.

I firmly believe that God has each of us here for a reason.  Everything that happens in our lives can be useful for bringing us to a point, that we are a light in this world for Him.  He can turn our sorrows and afflictions into victories and joy.  Knowing Joy is something I can feel right now, as I share, because I am in Him.

I cannot say I will never feel low again.  Satan and his cohorts do try to get us down, hoping we will not be used by God.  But love is of God, and we know Him.  "You are from God, little children and have overcome them;  because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world."  (NASB, 1 John 4:4)

Blessings to you,  my friend and  to all who struggle with illness and with the adversities of life.  I pray for those who do not know the Lord of all, that they will come to know the one who loved us enough to send His only Son to suffer for our sins.  Amen.

Living in the Light

My dear friend Joy Lenton has written another blog post that filled my heart with thanksgiving that someone else understands how illness affects one. Like me, she once lived a very active life, she is a Christian, and a writer.  She often expresses exactly how I feel about life.  Even though, I do not like the thought that another person suffers, there is also comfort in knowing she understands -- another one of the ironies of life.  In the paragraphs below is my reaction to Surrendering, which is beautifully written by Joy.

I wonder at things I used to easily do;  but, I live in this body that does not respond to everything I want to do.  Only by the grace of God, do I yield to happiness.  For so long, I did not understand I could still be happy -- in some ways more satisfied than before.  Maybe, a better word would be content, content in my circumstances.  

Joy mentioned reputation.  For a long time, that was my concern, that other people did not understand;   however, God has always understood I would someday be here:  ill, in pain, fatigued, emerging from confusion to understanding.  The things on this earth are temporal, but His love is forever. His promise is true.  He fills me with faith in moments of doubt.

I do not know how anyone surfs the waves of life, or swims through storms that threaten one's well-being without Jesus Christ as his/her Savior.  I think it would be lonelier than lonely, an angry and distant existence, as one tries to dodge the arrows and darts that eventually come in life.  What if there was no Psalm 23 to pray in moments of fear or sorrow?  That would be dark, sad, and loathsome.
  

Instead, I look for the light and I am not disappointed, nor will I be disappointed on the day I go home to be with Jesus.  He is right around the corner, down the next path, over the next cloud, and right here beside me -- every day.

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee (KJV, Hebrews 13:5).

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

                                        

Life, Burdens, and Quilts

Life
A quilt of multitudinous
Colors
Covering me
Affecting 
Collecting
Teaching
Making
Hurting
Loving
and 
Giving
me
a
pattern
all 
my 
own.

Sometimes,
it's 
heavier,
than 
I
think
I
can 
bear.

However, 
He 
said
I 
would not
have 
to bear
my 
burdens 
alone.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light  (KJV, Matthew 11:28- 30).

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (KJV, Philippians 4:13).

Yes!  I need you, Lord, to know I am all right, to know I am whole, to know direction, to follow the path of the life you have given unto me -- and to bear up, knowing your yoke is easy and the burden light when my way is lit by You.  Grace and Faith are my legacy, my comfort from You.

Depending Upon Him and Loving Him,
Jesus Christ my Lord,
Love,

Deborah

For Your Protection -Updated

Your comments are welcome.  For Your Protection, I am moderating all comments to protect from Spammers, who usually use link-backs.  If I have mistakenly identified anyone as a spammer, I apologize.

Deborah

Refreshing Your Spirit

God's Word feeds our faith, comforts our hearts, and helps us to grow.   ~ Deborah Bolton ~

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;

Praise Him, above ye heavenly host;

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

                         Thomas Ken, 1674  

As I reflect on the summer and all that God has wrought in my life,

I am thankful, I'm amazed, and I feel blessed beyond belief.  He has brought me day by day to this moment, that I know that I know, I must continue writing and posting on my blogs and Facebook.  God has given me much for which to thank Him.  However, I still have times I grow weary in my spirit, not just my body.

Do you ever have a week or a day where the fear you are not in the center of God's will for your life hits you like a sudden gale?  All of sudden, there is a feeling you are not up to the task He has set before you.  That happened to me during the last couple of days after a glorious time of quiet retreat and prayer.  I had become still so I could hear what God had to say to me.  For too long this summer, I have let the noise of the world and busyness lure me away from the quietness of being still before God.

Thankfully, because a dear sister in Christ shared what God had spoken to her heart, I opened my heart to what God was telling me:  "Read the little."  And I knew exactly what I had to do.  There was a small portion of scripture that spoke directly to my heart.  Rather than spend my time trying to read through the Bible, I needed to meditate and pray.  God gave me the words.  And He reminded me of all the times, I have done that very thing -- found a quiet place, prayed, opened my Bible and read, prayed some more, and wrote in my journal.  I remember better when I write in my journal, and I think sometimes I focus on the Lord better.  My mind stays centered, rather than wandering. 

During my mini-retreat, I realized that I have spent so much time writing, trying to read through the Bible in 2013, and doing other things -- I have lost some of that quietness and peacefulness of spending time in His presence.  Even Jesus took time to be alone with God.  He got away from the crowds and communed with His Father.  Sometimes, I think we forget that because Jesus was perfect, he came to our little planet in the form of a baby that grew to be a man, a human man.  I think because we know Him as the risen Savior, we sometimes forget he had to function as a human being before He was crucified and rose from the dead.  He had to eat and sleep.  He was tempted.  He set the example of how to live.  He became angry (a righteous anger), yet did not sin.  He loved other people and his family.  He worked, he went to parties and dinners with friends.  He physically cared for others' needs.  He fed people.  He taught.  He even cried. And, He needed time alone with God.

Jesus, the Christ, He needed time alone with God!

Are we stronger than Jesus?  No, I don't think so.  But, we are stronger with Him.  Therefore, we need to emulate Him, to learn from His life and follow.  And one of those things we need to do is to spend time alone with our Father in Heaven. 

 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (KJV, Philippians 4:13).


Prayer:

Father, a little storm happened after I spent time with You, but I know where it came from.  And, it only makes me want to spend more time in mini-retreats with You.  Thank you for sweet fellowship with You.  Thank you for reminding me how sweet the savor is when I take time to write down what You are telling me in my journal.  Thank You that I can go back and read what I heard to be encouraged again.  Thank You for showing me Wisdom in Your Word.  In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.

Gaining Pleasure From My God-sized Dream

Holley's God-size Dream Assignment:  We've been walking the path of God-sized dreams together for a few months now. Will you share an update with us about your dream? Let us know where you are with it–the happy and the hard. Tell us how we can pray for you and your dream too. Share that in a post and link up.

Right now, I am smiling because I realized that I have been working on all of the dreams that I originally listed.  

It's kind of like getting an unexpected present, because during the middle of the time period we had been praying, writing, and working on these dreams -- I had shortened my list.  Holley had said to write about a God-sized dream, and I wrote down five;  therefore, I shortened my list of dreams to reading the Bible through in one year and getting the clutter out my house.

A God-size dream is about God's purpose in one's life and what is in one's heart.  When I wrote down five dreams, I was writing what was in my heart;  and guess what--as I pursue reading the Bible and getting the clutter out of my house, I see the results in my original dreams-list.  I think the only one I haven't done is paint on an empty canvas;  however, I have sketched and done some small watercolors.  And, I suppose being a better wife, grandmother, sister and friend might depend on an individual's idea of what that is.   As far as the book is concerned, I think I am about ready to start writing it.  I have been thinking about that book quite a bit. 

Who would have thought it?  While I was pursuing the dream of reading through the Bible and decluttering my house, I was also accomplishing important steps for my other dreams.

There is more!  Just click on "Read More" below this line.

An Unexpected Blessing - The Liebster Award

Surprises that bring unexpected blessings into your life do not happen everyday.   But when they do, it is a blissful, joyful feeling.

Recently, I had just such an experience which left me a little speechless, because I was honored that my friend Joy Lenton, who is a wonderful writer, would nominate me for an award.  I enjoy her  blog, Words of Joy, which she fills with lovely prose and poetry that touches my heart and others with her wisdom, transparency, and love for the Lord.  Thank you, Joy.  I am honored to be one of your nominees for the Liebster Award.

It has taken me many weeks to finish writing this post.  I went through bouts of writer's block to the point, I even struggled to know what to write when I wanted to make a comment.  Then, I got very busy trying to keep up with my blogs, Facebook pages, and home.  However, I am determined to do this thing, because it is time to pass the blessing on.

Again, the name of the award I have received  is The Liebster Award.   After some very interesting searches on the internet and finding a variety of fascinating blogs, I discovered that liebster is German for dearest, beloved or dear.  The blogs nominated for this award are one's favorite blogs.  From the research I have done, it seems the original idea was to nominate 5 of your favorite blogs with less than 200 followers, as well as link back to and thank the person, who nominated you.  It's a wonderful way to create community, as well as highlight up and coming blogs.   

You may copy and paste this for your
Award Picture or choose other pictures.
The way the award looks is varied -- personal
preference seems to be acceptable.

The rules, which seem to vary,  for The Liebster Award are simple:

1. Thank your nominator and link back to his/her blog.
2. Post 11 random facts about yourself.
3. Answer the questions the nominator comes up with for you. 
4. Create 11 new questions for the bloggers you have nominated.
5. Choose 3 /5 /11 bloggers with under 200/300/500 followers to nominate, and link them to your post.   Most of the rules said 5, but some said 3 and 11.
6. Go tell your nominees that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award. (smile-I love this part.)
7. There are really no definite rules I am learning, as I read other articles about the Liebster award.  The rules seem to be moldable, and I am going to change the mold a little.  I am only going to ask my nominees 5 to 7 questions.
8. I am being brave, because I have never liked breaking  "The Rules", but 11 questions took me forever it seemed, and I know how busy most bloggers are.
9. One more thing.  I noticed there are a variety of choices for Award Pictures.  So you can choose which one you prefer.  Just copy and paste.

11 Random Facts about Me

1. I am the youngest of 3 children, a brother 18 years older and a sister 15 years older.
2. When I was growing up, I raised two baby squirrels and one hoot owl, because they became separated from their mothers.
3. My husband says I get "fish fever"  when I go fishing.
4. I remember playing that I was "playing" the upright piano, and my mother never fussed about the noise.  Happiness was finally having lessons.
5. I started singing in choir when I was 6 years old, and didn't stop until I was too ill.  If I am ever well enough, I plan to sing again.
6. The first time I tried to sing a solo in public before contests, in our classroom, I was so scared nothing would come out.
7. I don't ever remember not knowing how to swim underwater.
8. In high school, I had the lead as "The Madwoman of Chaillot."
9. When my mother and I would go to the library, I was reading my books before I got in the car and all the way home.  When I was growing up, I sometimes used to read with a flashlight under the covers.
10. When my brother was visiting and we were walking between Grandma's house and our house, I would run ahead of him;  because, he told me it was the second person that got bit by the snake.  And speaking of snakes, my big brother was bit by a water moccasin, the day before I was born.
11. My favorite ice cream is rum raisin. 

Answers to Joy's Questions for Me

1. I love Starbuck's coffee;  however, it's a rare treat.  I usually get a Cappacino, but I have been known to get a Mocha Frappicino on a hot, summer day.  Also, I'm fond of their scones, and if I want something very sweet I will get a cake pop.   And please don't put sugar in my coffee, unless it's a Mocha Frappicino, which is almost like an icy milk shake.
2. When I watch television, I enjoy programs that solve a mystery, that are suspenseful.  My favorite TV series was Monk.  I tried to never miss that show.   I enjoyed the life that Tony Shaloub brought to this character:  also, there was pathos, humor, and puzzles to solve.  I like NCIS and Blue Bloods too.  
3. Pre-writing is useful in planning;  however, when I am blogging I tend toward informality, while endeavoring to maintain basic structure and grammar.  When editing,  I like to read the piece silently and aloud.   While I check for spelling errors and grammatical errors, I am also listening for the flow of a piece, because readers will soon lose interest in stilted, disconnected thoughts.  Finally, I try to always be mindful of the kind of piece I am writing.  Blog posts are not research papers.  When they become too lengthy, readers begin to lose interest.  I have to admit it is often difficult to find the  perfect length for a post, but saying enough about a topic without being wordy is always one of my main goals when writing.
4. If I had to participate in something outside of my comfort zone, it would be in the area of public speaking or radio. 
5. If I were to develop another skill, I would consider a master's degree in counseling, and work as  a Christian mental health therapist.
6. My ideals most clearly align with those of the Virtuous Woman or the Wife of Noble Character in Proverbs 31:  10 - 31.  However, I think it is important to note that while many women do well to desire the character and traits of this woman, she is an ideal;  and, I believe it is only by the grace of God that any woman is able to follow these ideals. It is only by believing in and following Jesus Christ that any woman can hope to attain to this, because no works are enough in themselves to conquer the sinful nature of humankind.
7. If I were to choose a genre in which I do not usually write, it would be to write science fiction or fantasies that  explore the mystery of God's creation and and His ultimate purpose in our lives.
8. My passion in life is to encourage others to live life well, no matter what their circumstances might be, and to point them to the source of joy, Jesus Christ.
9. Aside from writing, blogging, and communicating via social media, I like to play piano, sing, read, shop, swim, fish,  spend time with my family, do various crafts, watch birds, go to the beach or the mountains, and many other activities.  Unfortunately, it is not as easy to do these things anymore,   as my energy and my physical mobility has been impacted by chronic illness.
10. If I could be anything, I would be a wife,mother, piano & organ playing dancer-singer-writer-poet-actress-painter-philosopher-theologian, who also gardens, cooks, plays tennis, makes jewelry, sews, designs clothes and interiors, as well as costumes.  I would compose music, choreograph dances, and I would be a teacher too.  I would also  water ski, snow ski, and ice skate.  I would also be able to do a cartwheel, which I never could seem to do when I was younger.  And since there are probably about half a dozen or more other things I would do, I would definitely need an eternity to do them all.  Oh yes, that's right--I have eternal life, because Jesus is my Savior.  Cool!  I have more that I have even dreamed to look forward to.
11. When asked what human characteristic  I admire most, I first thought of the ability to love;  then, I thought of the ability to be selfless or unselfish, which all goes back to love.

Now, I have the pleasure of nominating 5 other bloggers for The Liebster Award.  

• My first nominee is Cheryl Smith, author of Homespun Devotions...From My Heart to Yours.  She is a homeschooling wife, mother, and writer, who blesses my heart with her insights into living life as a godly woman.
• Coralie Cowan, who writes about Life More Abundant is my second nominee.  She is a very busy wife and mother, who is also an excellent writer.  I like her sparse, matter-of-fact style that draws the reader right into what she has to say.
• Another favorite writer, who I am nominating for The Liebster Award is Angela C. Gifford, author of Angela's Musings.  I probably should admit to being especially proud of her, because I knew her when she was a little girl;  and, it is so neat to see little girls grow into godly women.  Furthermore, she is a very good writer, who is an inspiration to other women and has a heart for God.  She has written a book called Never Go Hungry Again, A Spiritual  Nutrition Guide for Moms.  
• Another blog I am nominating is Clutter365, by Alison Golden.  She is a busy mother of twins;  and, she has inspired me with her very simple method of clearing clutter one item at a time.  She started with planning on doing it for a year, and she decided to continue.  Today, she is on Day 472.  Her method is perfect for an energy challenged grandmother, a busy young mother, or anyone who wants to have a cleaner house or office:  the idea is to be consistent.
• My fifth nominee is Christine Wright, author of Living Joel 2:25.  Christine has a message of restoration.  She has been called to share this with other women, and it blesses my heart to read her blog posts, as she shares God, the Redeemer and how He can restore the years eaten by locusts.

Seven questions for my Liebster Award Nominees to Answer

1. What is one work  (book, painting, film, poem, play, etc.) that has had an impact on your life?
2. What do you enjoy most about writing?
3. If you could choose any place in the world to get away from your regular routine, where would you go?  (I am talking about a long trip.)
4. What is one goal you have accomplished in the past two years?
5. If you were to write in another genre, what genre would you choose and why?
6. Name something you like to do to treat yourself or get away from your normal routine. Make it something close to home:  ie.  a walk in the park, working in the garden, having a cool glass of lemonade in the back yard and reading a book, going to a coffee shop, lunch out  with the girls, etc.
7. What is your favorite quote?

How To Keep Going When Your World Turns Upside Down

When asked to write the post that I normally write on Tuesday for Holley Gerth's blog about God-sized dreams,  I was weary and I did not have what I needed to write;  however, I realized as I wrote my blog post for "Balancing Life Changes", that I had said exactly what I needed to say.  Also, I felt compelled to connect there even though it is Thursday.  Please join us in our God-sized dream blogs, because we are sharing our hearts about God leading us to fulfill His purpose for our lives, with all the ins and outs, and ups and downs.  The ladies over at Holley's blog are encouragers and lovers of God.  And, Holley has done a good job of listening to the Lord in how to get us tuned in to what He has for us.

Have you ever noticed that children know exactly what to do when they are
worn out?  Our grandson came into go potty;  and then, he sacked
out in the bed, wet bathing suit and all.  I love this picture.

Do you ever have a week or two that seems to turn your safe little world around?  Your routine is 

upside down and your body is gasping for energy.  Your brain is working, but it has slowed 

down to a 20 minute lag.  Everything seems to be painfully slow, and you know you need to take life at an easier pace. 

Even now after years of illness, I get these guilty,  nagging, little feelings when I don't do 

everything I consider to be my work, my calling, my responsibility.  Does this happen to you, 

and what do you do about it?  Are you backed into an "I have to do it corner", whether it is 

detrimental to your health or not?  I have been there, and I ended up getting more ill, because

 I have never liked giving in to my illness.  At least, that is how I saw it.  I had to be stronger

 than that.  If my body was not going to cooperate, then I would trust in will over matter.  

I am not saying that I stopped praying.  I still trusted in God, but I also thought I had to push

 through to be well and to please Him.  However, at that point, I chalked most of my problems 

up to my liver, depression, fibromyalgia, and gaining weight.  I did not realize that my thyroid 

was compromised and I had multiple things going on in my body that added up to Chronic

 Fatigue Syndrome.  Actually, now when I look back at the onset of my illness, probably 

most of my problems were Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, including the depression.  It took 

total collapse to finally find out what was wrong with me.

Some people think they are weak because they cannot get well or work through these diseases/syndromes.  I would like to suggest most people are stronger than they realize.  

They have hung on to life, trying to work  with bodies that fight their every effort to contribute 

to the lives of their family and community.  The people I know with Fibromyalgia and

 Chronic Fatigue Syndrome are not layabouts.  They are participators and leaders, who

 have fought to take care of their families, do their jobs, volunteer in their communities, 

and minister in and out of their churches.  Time after time, they have fought to push past 

their limits, because they are strong in spirit, and perhaps a little stubborn about giving into

an inconvenient, pesky illness that is in the way of their duties.

Do you get tired of fighting, of trying to act well when you are ill, ill, ill?  Yes, I do too, but that is normal.   Is there a better way?  I think so, but I did not come to this frame of mind instantaneously.  And I have to admit to growing tired of the facts of my life at times, especially when it keeps me from so many things I consider important or 
enjoyable.  However, I am human, and it is absolutely normal to have moments of weariness.  What I have learned is to experience my life in the light of God's love for me  and His call on my life to be light.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7, Paul speaks of 

"a thorn in the flesh."  I recently read an excellent article in gotquestions?org.  What I have always believed about this passage was elaborated on in a fashion that I fully agree

with.  It has always been my belief that even though God 

was fully able to heal Paul, He did not do so for a reason.  However, we do not know what this thorn in the flesh was. 

 It could have been disease, pain, his failing eyes,

 or a person.  We know that Paul endured the harsh

elements of nature and stonings.  For all we know,

 his past could have been a psychological torment to him, 

even though He knew he had been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ.  I agree with the answer 

I read in gotquestions?org.  We do not know what his torment was, because the generations

 following needed to know that there is a truth here for whatever our weaknesses are.

 In 2 Corinthians 12:8, we are told that Paul sought 

God to release him from this thorn in the flesh three

 times.  But God did not release him, so for all of 

you who believe God still heals and you think you 

have not been faithful in believing strongly enough, 

let go of that thought.  Could God have another 

purpose in letting you suffer?  Could it be He

has not answered this particular prayer for a reason?  Do you need to learn contentment?  I ask that, because

that is one of the things I have learned.  

Be assured, I am not suggesting that God afflicts 

us with pain and disease.  I believe pain and 

disease is in this world, because it is a sinful

 and fallen world.  There are no men or women 

in this world that have not fallen short of God's

 glory.  Only Jesus is perfect, and He is 

the Son of God.

So why did God let Paul continue to suffer?   God said to him, My grace is sufficient for thee:  

for my strength is made perfect in weakness (KJV, 1 Corinthians 12: 9a).   And what was 

Paul's reaction to that?  Read what he said, Most gladly will I rather glory in my infirmities, 

that the power of Christ may rest on me (KJV, 1 Cor. 12:9b).  So, is that a reason for 

living in contentment and knowing there can be a purpose in suffering?  Yes!  So why do we put 

ourselves down because our bodies are weak vessels?  Instead, why do we not look for a reason

to live and rejoice in all things, even in suffering.

I know it sounds like a paradox.  Perhaps, it is.  However, I can tell you I have found my reason 

for living, and this it what keeps me going.  It has also kept me from the proverbial beating myself up

 that occurred, as I constantly battled the shoulds in life.  I always had shoulds that I thought were necessary to be the perfect wife and perfect daughter of God, not to mention the perfect daughter, 

student, teacher, mother, and grandmother.  Even though, I fully believe I am imperfect and only 

could come to Christ, believing in Him and the cleansing of his blood, because of his atonement 

for my sins -- even though I do not believe that I am saved through my works,  perfectionism 

was constantly a part of my striving.  It took being completely broken to the point I wanted to die, 

to be free of this;  and, I have continued to remember the foolishness and fallacy of perfectionism 

from that time forward.

Therefore, I no longer need to push myself to the point I cannot function.  If I do, it is not on purpose, but because I lost sight of how much energy I had to give.  Perhaps perfectionism, once it has been instilled in the brain since childhood, is also a thorn.  One has to tamp it down and deal with  it.  The thing I want you to know is that it is not wrong to rest, to take a day off,  to lie down in the bed because your body requires it.  A wonderful counselor told me that "resting is doing something."  I often have to remind myself of that, as my busy brain whirs around considering the intricacies of life and of course -- all the things that need to be done in my little corner of the world.  

I cannot even begin to tell you how long it took me to not feel like I was sinning, because I was 

a minister's wife that could not get up in the morning to go to church.  Never mind, that I felt like

 I had the flu everyday, and I could barely take a shower.  In fact, there are many days I have 

to skip the shower.  OK.  So I still have trouble with the church part, but I have tried to do things

that I used to do, and I always end up back in the bed and the recliner.  If you don't agree with 

me, you are free to go to my facebook page and tell me why or comment here.  But I am through 

with comparing myself to other people.  I will tell you that in advance.  And if I think you say 

something contrary to God's word or you are unkind, I freely reserve the right to delete the comment. 

 Or, I might just tell you why I think you are right or wrong.

It was not my intention to be wordy here.  I am almost shocked that I had so much to say about something I intended to be a short post.  But then again, I tend to be constantly amazed at my calling to write having come out of incubation from years of chronic illness and pain.  I rejoice in God, my Savior.  He is the completer of my soul, the comforter and the Father that has been with me as long as I remember.  It is in Him that I am whole, even when my body is in broken pieces.  It is my prayer that you will know Him as the completer of your soul, for without Him, we are left to wander in confusion and loneliness.

For more information on how God will give your soul rest, click 
on this:  He Will Give You Rest.  For information on how God 
will make you complete in Him, read this: Our Hope:  Eternal 
Life  or Finding Eternal Peace.  God bless you.  If you are 
reading this, you are in my prayers -- even though I don't know
your name, God does.

Where Are You God?

Image Courtesy of [Archipoch]/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Something has been bothering me about the storm in Oklahoma.  "Yes", you probably say,  "The storm in Oklahoma bothers everyone."  

However, I sometimes think we don't want what we see on the news to touch us, because we want to insulate ourselves against the pain of grieving like the people that have lost children and other family members, as well as their homes and businesses.  We don't really want to feel what they feel, perhaps because we have already felt pain like this in our own lives and suffered deeply, leaving us with an invisible shield we put up to protect ourselves from having those feelings again.  Why feel sorrow for strangers?  

How could I say such a thing?  Don't I care what happened?  I do, but I see everything around me going on as scheduled;   moreover,  I find myself praying and keeping track of the news, yet I will stop and  train my attention elsewhere, lest I am overcome by other people's tragedies.  I know nothing will be normal for these people again--possibly for years, and then, the sorrow in my heart grows for them.  I cannot change that.  All I can do is pray.  Is that what keeps nagging at me --that I cannot alleviate their suffering?  Or is it that I want to turn my mind elsewhere?

We see the tragedies, but we are buffeted by an unreality because we see it in pictures, on TV, and on the internet.  We know we cannot change what happened. We say we pray, and we do, but sometimes it feels like platitudes.  Yes, pray--that is what one does in the midst of tragedy.  Then, we leave these people to work it out on their own with friends, families, counselors, and with God.  

And then, there are the people who say, "Wasn't that storm in Oklahoma  horrible?"  Maybe, they pray or send some money.  They might even wonder what is happening to those people out there.  But not for long, because they need their normal to survive, until  their own storm comes.  They watch  their TV shows, go to work, eat, sleep, read, worship -- and maybe, deep somewhere in their consciousness they are asking, "How did I escape tragedy this time?  Why was it Moore, Oklahoma?  Why was it people in Boston that lost arms and legs and lives?  Some of us wonder, what  we would do when faced with tragedy.  Some people worry that it could happen to them;  however, worrying about the possibilities is a waste of energy.

Image Courtesy of [-Marcus-]/FreeDigitalPhoto.net

Do we go on with our normal lives?  And what is normal anymore?  I am to the point where I see that as a relative question.  Normal is different for each life.  My normal is not the same as yours.  In fact, I still don't totally see my situation as normal if I compare it with other people.  My normal has shifted so many times over the years, there were times I wasn't sure when up was up and down was down.  Yet, I am here.  I am happy.  I have survived.  And even though there are some things that would be nice to have or change, they aren't my focus on life, because I have something better.  I have a Father that cares about and loves me for just who I am.  He even loved me in the desert of doubt, and that was a dry, desolate place to be.  I didn't like it at all, because I felt far from myself and far, far away from my Father's comfort.  I was sure I had failed Him, because I had even lost who I was. 

However, for some reason, God has allowed me to be right where I am now.  Maybe, so I can tell you not  to doubt his love for you, or that you can have hope in Him no matter what your condition is.   You may be afraid because you are sick, or you may be going through bankruptcy, or your child has died.  You may feel like a failure, that somehow you could have prevented some of the the things that have happened to you in life.  Maybe not.  The rain falls on the just and the unjust.  That doesn't mean God loves you less.  It just means that He is the only assurance there is anything in this life that is always the same, and He does care about you.   

That leaves me with only one normal that makes any sense in  my life.  God is always God.  And He loves me, a miserable sinner that trusted in His Son, Jesus Christ.  He loves me when I struggle with my flesh, when I grieve, when I get confused, when I  take my eyes off of Him.  He loves me when I ask, "Why?"  He even loves me when I become angry with Him, which has happened to me in my distant past.  He loves me when I carry around all kinds of false guilt.  He loves me when I am  stubborn.  Sometimes, I really wonder how He can love me, but He does in all my messy, imperfectness.  I don't deserve it, but God is my Father.  I know that.  And He is the Father that loves His children perfectly.

The Bible says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever  (NASB, Hebrews 13:8).  This I can grasp in comfort, knowing that He is my only Normal.

Romans  8:28 says that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (NASB)  He does:  I could probably relate a dozen or more ways that are palpable and concrete in this narrow little world of ours.  I know the good He works, because I live it every day, and I trust Him in the circumstances of my life.  If I didn't  believe, I think I would have gone absolutely stark raving, loony mad a long time ago.  Or maybe, I would just be a grumpy old person that never smiles, never tries,  never finds satisfaction in my life.    

I want to cry out, "Lord Jesus come now!"   But I know there are so many people that still need Him,  so many that need Jesus as Savior.  Do you know Him?  Don't wait and waste all the time on this earth you could be trusting and living in Him.  Eternity with God starts the day you accept Him as Savior and believe He is the only way.  

Would you like to know how to do that?  Click on the following:  Finding Eternal Peace.