Difficult Assignment - well today, it is.

My assignment today is difficult, because I admit that I am depressed.  And right now, it is not invisible, because I am in the same nightgown I have had on for 3 or 4 days.  That sounds gross, and it is an awkward thing to admit.  However, that is part of being ill sometimes -- having awkward, embarrassing things you don't want to admit.  Being this way does not fit my picture of who I am when I am feeling better -- or the person I was before I was ill.  Yes, I know it does not seem to be in the category of Living Better With Invisible Illness;  however, it is something one has to get through when having an invisible illness.  Right now, I am tired of myself, and I realized today, I am like a kid saying, "No, Dad or Mom, I don't want to get up.  I am not going to do it.  It hurts...I'm scared...I refuse...I, I, I, I , I."  

So even though I look and feel like a mess, I am going to step out to do my God-Sized Dream assignment, which is to write about another time I took a positive step in my life. 

This is not me or one of my professors,
but it reminds me of the days I  had
 a professor teaching me how to use
a computer;   and I'm thankful for it.
Image courtesy
 of [Ambro]/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Going back to school after having been married for 17 years and having 3 children was a frightening step for me.  I was comfortable being a wife, a mom, singing in the choir and being Children's Choir Coordinator and director for one of the Children's Choirs.  However, going back to school with teenagers, going to class, and taking tests was daunting.  I had prayed about doing it, but I was still afraid;  until, I saw senior adult ladies with white hair at the college orientation.  When I saw them, I knew I could do it.  If they had the nerve to go back to school as 62-70 somethings, I was going to do it too.  And I did one step at a time

Each step I took gave me more self-confidence as I excelled in learning.  Oh how I enjoyed it!  I was in my niche, and God was right there with me.  Little did I know, I would not be teaching as I had planned, but I would be writing.  However, I didn't know I would be writing about falling down and getting up again, time after time.  But isn't life like that?  Things don't always go our way, or so we think;  but I can trust the God of the Universe, the Creator, the One who knows how many hairs are on my head, and where my path leads.  He revives me, even when I don't think I am ready for revival.  He helps me to take one more baby step on this rocky path, and I grab His hand knowing I can trust my God.  

I just took this step, now I can take another.  Is it so hard to get in the shower?  I don't think so.

Nourishing the Dream

This is my third Tuesday of writing about my God-Sized Dreams.  What a blessing to have the encouragement to continue on this journey.  Having connected to Holley Gerth's blog has been another blessing in my life, because she encourages other women to walk down paths that will help them to grow in God's will and grace.

However, a dream that is not encouraged or nourished is a dream that dies.  Or it lies dormant for years until the right circumstances brings it to the forefront again.  Sometimes, our dreams come about through the fulfillment of other dreams.  But the main thing about personal dreams I see is it takes persistence to see them through.  And it really helps to have someone that is praying with us, cheering us on on, comforting us when times are tough, praying with us, and someone that also shares his or her dreams with us. 

For me, that person is my husband.  Not only have I been blessed to share his dreams for forty-one and a half years, he has always encouraged me to work towards my dreams.  When some dreams didn't turn out as expected, he just loved me.  He held my hand, he shopped for groceries, and cooked supper or cleaned the kitchen.  He still does those things on the days I cannot.  More often than not, he loads the dishwasher, the nights I cook.  He is my blessing and my love.

The Lord has blessed me with some very good friends, that when we start talking to one another, it is as if we have never been apart.  One of those friends has given invaluable comments about my blogs, that have both encouraged and challenged me to continue writing.  And she has given comments that have made me think about my audience -- that I am not just writing to women.  I have other friends that have also been encouraging me along the way, but I want to point something out.  They could not do that, until I went public.  I had to share my dream.  I had to advertise myself, even though it felt awkward -- even though I could face rejection.   A dream shared is a dream that has a chance to grow.  Then, like a garden, you have to work it.  You must till the soil with fertilizer mixed in, plant the seeds, water, and pull the weeds.  If you have vegetables planted,  you must harvest them.  And if you have flowers, you have to dead head them to encourage more beautiful blooms.  A garden must be worked!  

My prayer for you is that the garden of your dreams will flourish and be beautiful.  God bless you.

P.S.  I just realized my Fibro-fog must have kicked in when I was writing this yesterday.  Truly, it just didn't cross my mind I was posting on the wrong day.  Today, is Tuesday.  Ha,ha!  I have to smile when I do something like this:  I thought it was a bit odd that Holley didn't have our regular place to add our Tuesday blog post.  Now, you know one of the reasons I write Learning to Balance Life Changes.  These kinds of things happen to people who have chronic illnesses, especially Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  

Baby Steps to My God-Sized Dreams

Tuesday is my designated blog day for looking at the progress I am making on my God-Sized Dream.  I didn't think I would like tying myself down;  but in fact, I think this is going to increase my accountability.  Some people might think of the dreams I listed last week as my new year's resolutions, but they are not that at all.  They are dreams of growth and fulfillment, and I may add to those dreams;  because I see things in my life I need to work on.  And I bet you thought this was a blog about creating things, or things that inspire me to create.  Well, it is.

When I read Holley Gerth's blog last week is set a spark off in me to continue what I have begun, and to spend time with God to ask Him about my dreams.  This week, I've had physical setbacks and spiritual setbacks;  however, I think seeking to follow God's will in my life is always a worthy goal.  You see, these dreams of mine are dreams that are part of me, because that is how God made me.  Also, He has been showing me what can be achieved in baby steps the whole of this past year.  Well, really longer than that--I have been involved in having God-sized dreams and walking in baby steps for many years now.

However, Holley's assignment was not to write about the progress I made in 2012, but to write about what step I took this week.  I listed 5 dreams last week:

Read the Bible through in one year.

Write a book or two or three...

Paint on one of my empty canvases, starting this month.

Organize my life better - more on that on one of my other blogs, probably.

Be a better wife, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend.

I have been able to work on three of the things on this list --  not perfectly, not everyday, but I'm making progress.

I'm just a busy Bee, Deborah

I'm catching up on my Bible readings, and I see improvements I can make to become more disciplined in this area of my life.  I have let my mind become so busy, I sometimes let the clutter take over and distract me from my goals;  therefore, I need to turn off the television and the computer more often.  When I was a young mother I often prayed and meditated as I did my household chores, but that is hard to do with the television blaring.  Also, I need to exercise self-control over using the computer, which I have taken to just like my son said I would.  Back in the 1990's I wasn't comfortable with the idea of using the internet, and I felt clueless when it came to doing anything technical with computers.  Now, I am doing and understanding how to do things I never thought I would get:  sometimes, I even feel a little geeky.

Organization will help every area of my life, and I have made some strides in that area this week.  For all you people that know the secret of the shiny sink, mine looks great!  And on that note, I feel complete in my report.  I am happily getting order back to the house after Christmas holidays.  Hooray!  This has been a hard time of year for me the last few years;   but this year, I feel encouraged, instead of discouraged, despite the Enemy's attempt to decimate my good cheer.  If you don't know who the Enemy is, he is kind of like the of like "the one who should not be named"  in the Harry Potter books, only worse.

Let me end with God bless you and keep you, and may His face shine upon you, and give you peace.

Here is a link to Holley Gerth's January 15, 2013 blog post and other God-Sized dreamers.

Dreaming God-Sized Dreams

3 weeks ago, I began writing about Dreaming God-Sized Dreams.  I was inspired, so I put it on my Inspirations blog.  However, it never seemed to be the right fit.  So I moved it here. 

It is never too late to dream.  I hope you find inspiration to dream here.  Don't let your fears and your illness shut dreaming down.  Ask God what dreams may come, and share them with us.  If you don't have a blog, share in the comment section.  If you don't have an illness, you are welcome here too.  Life hits us with moving and having to make new friends, shyness, PMS, the blues, problems, and difficult situations of all kinds.  Love one another.  Be kind to one another.  We need each other -- we really do. 

Writing an inspiration blog post must mean I really am back from a very long Christmas vacation.  If you read "Learning to Balance Life Changes", you already know I walk a daily energy tightrope;  therefore, I pick and choose what is most important for me to do without going on a guilt-trip -- well, most of the time there is no guilt-trip.  I have to pray and make sure "my guilt-trip" isn't God's urging sometimes.  I think I usually know, but I tend to be a cautious person.

I have discovered a new "friend"  thanks to Teri Lynne Underwood, blogger extraordinaire.  Holley Gerth's blog  is a source of new inspiration.  Deciding which of my blogs to link up with Holley's was a little difficult, because I have four of them.  I probably have too many blogs, but as I see it, each has it's own purpose;  however, I link them, because Purpose can be intertwined.  At least that is how I see it, because if my life is a prayer and everything in it is part of the path God knows I am going to take, I need to be intentional in my life.

Moreover, I need to pay attention to God's road-signs for me.  And I believe this is one of them, because He inspires other believers to get the attention of those He wants to send a message to.  I am goose-bumpy excited over  how Holley's message has intertwined with what I wrote in my "Reading Through the Bible" blog post in Take Comfort.  For me, reading the whole Bible in one year is definitely a God-sized dream, because I have not succeeded in that yet -- probably, because I like to read novels, watch TV, and "play" on my computer too much.  Ouch!  It is so hard to admit another not perfect facet of me.  However, being a imperfect person like everyone that has ever existed, except Jesus, definitely puts me on the list of NGEM''s (needing God every moment).

Right now, I have more than one God-sized dream, which seems to be an integral part of my personality for as long as I can remember.  Therefore, for brevity's sake and because I have a doctor's appointment in less than an hour, here are my present God-Sized Dreams:  

1. Read the Bible through in one year.
2. Write a book or two or three...
3. Paint on one of my empty canvases, starting this month.
4. Organize my life better - more on that on one of my other blogs, probably.
5. Be a better wife, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend.

I may have listed too many items on my dream sheet, but I know they do intertwine, and I know how to break down my dreams into baby steps.  I wouldn't be writing this or any blog if I was not learning to to do that better.  Love to all of you from me, and may you have a glorious new year in 2013!

Books - Always a Great Gift

I don't know how many of you celebrate Valentine's Day with your family, but I thought I would post a widget of books that sound interesting.  Children of all ages love for you to read to them, and they love to read the book back to you as well.  If you are a grandparent, aunt, or uncle who wants to share a book with  your sweet grandchildren, nieces, or nephews, you might think about making a video of you reading the book.  If you cannot be there in person, that would be an unexpected and sweet gift.

The Brain and Chronic Pain

One of the most attractive Fibromyalgia blogs I read had an interesting article called Chronic Pain Harms the Brain.  That may sound depressing, but I like to know the facts, especially when it explains things I have had happening in my body for years.  For me, it is less depressing knowing that my brain actually has been affected by pain.  The depression I often struggled with before I began to get the right medications and supplements, as well as counseling, makes sense.  I thought it was important that my liver that was affected by the NSAIDS I have taken since I was a teen, but now I know why I had problems with depression.

I thought you might like to read about the brain and chronic pain.  It was an interesting read, and it answered some questions for me.  

Blog Planner - The Calendar

One of my favorite bloggers is Beckie Farrant, of Infarrantly Creative.  She is smart, generous, and superbly creative.  Also, she sometimes shares great information for bloggers, and gives it away free.  Did I tell you that I appreciate what I have learned from reading her blog?  I guess that makes her a great teacher too.

Today, I want to share with you something that I tried out before Christmas, that I realize I desperately need now.  Beckie has a free printable blog calendar you can download.  I am keeping mine in an attractive notebook, but you may want to follow her directions for a useful and professional planner.  I am hoping I don't forget my new ideas before I get the first few months of this year printed out.


~~~~~~~ Don't forget to check out the rest of Infarrantly Creative, especially if you like do-it-yourself projects, that are decorator quality. ~~~~~~~