Making Room for Dreams

When I wrote down my God-sized dream, I had more than one, which is a familiar problem for me.  Moreover, I wrote down a multi-tasker's dream list of 5 things;  and, I no longer have the capabilty to multi-task without becoming overwhelmed.   I have had to face that my list was not specific enough;  nor was it realistic, because I already know how to take care of my body:  I have to pace myself.
  
Therefore,  I have made a decision about one  thing that is a large one to me.  I need to say no to it,  because I become ill every time I add it back into my life. This is not an easy decision to make, because it has involved a large part of my life's work and ministry; furthermore, I feel sure some people will not understand, because I am a MMW, minister's of music wife.

I always feel guilty when I am at church services, knowing how well I read music and people saying, "You have such a beautiful voice." However, I cannot be consistent  singing in the choir.  I can occasionally  sing a solo, that I know well;  but being a regular choir member is more than I can handle.  It's hard to say this, but until the Holy Spirit tells me I need to be doing it, I should stop feeling like I have to try.  All false guilt does is make me feel stressed;   however, following God's conviction in my heart brings peace.  And, I have had no peace about singing in the choir.  Mostly, I have been worried about what other people think.

The two most important things I wrote on my list of dreams was reading the Bible through and writing.  In fact, I think reading the Bible is essential to me knowing God's will for my life, and what I should write about.  Some things on my list are things that I was  already doing.  I think my perfectionism took over, so I started thinking, "I have to do everything better."

I know God called me to write in the early 1990's:  there is no doubt in my mind or heart about this.  I am so thankful He prepared me for this ministry;  although, I don't believe my illnesses  came from God.  However, He knew I would have to walk this path, and He had been equipping me for it,  before I ever knew how sick I was.  Then, he  carried me through my desert of grief for the old normal, which I missed terribly.  

Being ill has tested my perseverance and faith more than any other experiences in my life, and there have been some horrific ones.   Little did I know my chronic illnesses would end up being something that God used in my life to bless me and to bless others. I've had plenty of writing material, and He continues to show me what comes next.  

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose (KJV, Romans 8:28).

Come and join me with my God-sized Dream buddies:  we're having a great time together.